Imagine being able to resolve all of the issues related to the dissolution of your marriage in one day.
No I am not living in a land of pixies and wizards. I am talking about using Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) as a method to resolve outstanding issues.
If the parties are ready, willing, able and come to the table prepared to deviate from entrenched position and become reasonable as solution is not only possible, it is probable.
ADR means using a non-court process to resolve your dispute. Usually this takes the form of a mediation or an arbitration or mediation that transforms into an arbitration where the parties are unable to reach a consensus on all the issues during the mediation. Lawyers will generally circulate three names to each other and most of the time one or two of the names will be the same and the parties proceed by choosing a mutually agreeable 3rd party mediator.
I believe in ADR. Even when the parties are miles apart the right mediator can bring the parties together. For example, I recently did a mediation involving parties that were married for 15 years. Both were professionals with significant incomes and one party was quite upset at the breakdown of the marriage and wanted reconciliation. The mediator was skilled and understood where each of the parties were coming from. By the end of the 6 hour session we had an agreement on all of the outstanding property issues, support issues and the parenting plan moving forward.
ADR is your solution. The terms are distilled into a contract that you created. A solution created by the parties is always more palatable than one ordered by the court. The other positive is that it is far more economical to engage in ADR than to pay your counsel countless dollars to litigate the matter.
Some key points about ADR:
1. Come prepared to negotiate not argue
You are not in court. Compromise and reasonableness are the key words of the day. If you argue the likelihood will be that parties will become entrenched in a position, emotions will run high and the result will be a wasted day and wasted money.
2. Kids
Any decision or agreement you make during mediation should have your children's best interests first.
3. Know the numbers
If the issues revolve around money, make sure your counsel has a grasp of the financial landscape of your marriage. In Alberta the Matrimonial Property Act governs property division, however, some property is not subject to division. Good counsel will have gone through the financial picture with you.
4. Listen
Spend some time understanding where the other party is coming from. Divorce is emotional and clients often have blinders on and only see one position as the right one. Listening and respecting the other persons point of view can go a long way in bringing parties together.
5. Breakout
If things are getting too much for you do not quit. Take a break or tell your counsel you would like to go into separate rooms. The mediator's job is to bring the parties together, that can still happen if you are in separate rooms. Often times breaking out into separate rooms can lower the emotions and allow people to return to being practical and pragmatic about the situation.
No I am not living in a land of pixies and wizards. I am talking about using Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) as a method to resolve outstanding issues.
If the parties are ready, willing, able and come to the table prepared to deviate from entrenched position and become reasonable as solution is not only possible, it is probable.
ADR means using a non-court process to resolve your dispute. Usually this takes the form of a mediation or an arbitration or mediation that transforms into an arbitration where the parties are unable to reach a consensus on all the issues during the mediation. Lawyers will generally circulate three names to each other and most of the time one or two of the names will be the same and the parties proceed by choosing a mutually agreeable 3rd party mediator.
I believe in ADR. Even when the parties are miles apart the right mediator can bring the parties together. For example, I recently did a mediation involving parties that were married for 15 years. Both were professionals with significant incomes and one party was quite upset at the breakdown of the marriage and wanted reconciliation. The mediator was skilled and understood where each of the parties were coming from. By the end of the 6 hour session we had an agreement on all of the outstanding property issues, support issues and the parenting plan moving forward.
ADR is your solution. The terms are distilled into a contract that you created. A solution created by the parties is always more palatable than one ordered by the court. The other positive is that it is far more economical to engage in ADR than to pay your counsel countless dollars to litigate the matter.
Some key points about ADR:
1. Come prepared to negotiate not argue
You are not in court. Compromise and reasonableness are the key words of the day. If you argue the likelihood will be that parties will become entrenched in a position, emotions will run high and the result will be a wasted day and wasted money.
2. Kids
Any decision or agreement you make during mediation should have your children's best interests first.
3. Know the numbers
If the issues revolve around money, make sure your counsel has a grasp of the financial landscape of your marriage. In Alberta the Matrimonial Property Act governs property division, however, some property is not subject to division. Good counsel will have gone through the financial picture with you.
4. Listen
Spend some time understanding where the other party is coming from. Divorce is emotional and clients often have blinders on and only see one position as the right one. Listening and respecting the other persons point of view can go a long way in bringing parties together.
5. Breakout
If things are getting too much for you do not quit. Take a break or tell your counsel you would like to go into separate rooms. The mediator's job is to bring the parties together, that can still happen if you are in separate rooms. Often times breaking out into separate rooms can lower the emotions and allow people to return to being practical and pragmatic about the situation.